Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Do Vegans Eat Eggs?...

I know, I know... of course they don't.

Have you ever just reeeeeeeeally wanted to eat eggs? Ok, maybe I'm alone in this desire but I can not express how much I want eggs.
I feel like I could go into a Forest Gump rant about eggs...
-hard-boiled eggs
-soft-boiled eggs
-deviled eggs
-fried eggs
-omelets- ohhhh... that sounds soooo good!

So, you get the idea right? I'm Jones'ing for eggs. Ridiculous!

Anyway, this whole egg situation has got me thinking. I mean, if I allow myself to eat eggs, than I might as well eat dairy... I do miss cheese... especially in an omelet :P

What's stopping me?
I have some insane sense of duty to stay on the straight and narrow path for you all. You were there for me when I bitched and whined during my juice fast and have continued to offer support and I feel like I would be letting you down. Just writing that down makes me sound even crazier than I feel. Good grief!
Since I can't realistically live for the approval of my adoring fans (thank goodness I never became a rock star, haha) I have to make a eggstravagant decision in the best interest of myself, my sanity and my family.

Do any of you know how much smoother my household would run if I ate dairy? I know that I am loved but oh boyyyy... my "special diet" can be pretty restricting and cause a little bitterness trying to prepare meals.
It really would open up a lot of opportunity to actually eat the same foods- to some degree. I refuse to even consider meat. Not only am I afraid that I would get sick but I really like not eating meat.

Here's my proposal... run an experiment with eggs and a small amount of dairy for a couple weeks- or less if it looks like it's causing more problems than it's solving. By then, maybe the obsession will be out of my system and I can just get back to being a vegan again. If after the holidays dairy is still present, I will be doing another juice fast and that would be a good time to return to a plant-based diet.

Since finishing the juicing program and introducing the whole grains, my weight has plateaued. No loss and I've actually been fighting to keep 2 pounds from reappearing. They come back, then I lose them, then they return. ugh.
Some of the problem may be that I'm feeling so restricted so the things that I can have are not being limited. Brown rice is good but not if I eat enough to fill a vat. Ok, not that extreme but you get the idea.
Oh, and I've discovered many vegan cookie recipe's and do I need to explain my cookie obsession? They just make me feel... umm... pretty ;)
I love them, they love me.
I had to make a rule for myself one year to limit cookie consumption... if I wanted them, I had to make them from scratch. That actually helped because no matter the desire, sometimes you just don't want to go through all that hassle.

So.... What have I decided?
hmmm.... decision making is not my strong suit but I think I'm going to introduce eggs and a little dairy into my diet. Nothing extreme. I can't/won't drink regular milk. blecht. I think I'm just going to be a little less extreme with my cooking and maybe the fact that I "can't" have something will remove the desire to actually want it. Do you know what I mean? Am I the only person in the world that thinks like this? Aaaagggghhhh... I feel so frickin crazy! 8-)

Well, I hope this experiment works and that I'm not disappointing too many people. I'll keep you up to date with how it goes.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!!
My hope is that your holiday is fun and drama free :D


Sunday, November 13, 2011

Glad you're not dead day

Today is the six year anniversary of the "big" robbery at work that I was injured in. I was violently beaten and left with a broken shoulder, jacked up knee, neck and back... not to mention the psychological aspects of such a crime.

So... I always try to predict how I'm going to feel about this day. I visualize gratitude, laughter, and strength. I don't remember how I handled previous years, it's like this is the first one... again.
Don't get me wrong... I am grateful-- more than can possibly be expressed. I am very blessed!

I have--
--a beautiful, kind, generous & supportive partner
--a daughter that has become such a wonderful human being that any mom would be super proud
--an amazing little boy and girl that bring me joy daily
--a home, income and all basic necessities
I have all that and so much more. I have more than many people. I am loved. I am grateful.

I'm also sad.
There's just no understanding the emotions I'm feeling right now. A blend of just about everything and that's pretty overwhelming.
I'm indecisive.
Part of me wants to celebrate life. Go out and do something fun to prove to myself that I'm alive for a reason and that I'm making the most of my survival.
Part of me wants to stay inside and wait for the day to end. It's like I'm afraid to push my luck because maybe the next situation will be the last.
Pretty irrational I know but it's how my mind is working.

When I visualized my reaction to how the day would go this year, I had not planned on crying while cleaning counters... cleaning counters- yes... crying while doing it- not so much.
Cleaning has always been a good outlet for me when stressed, kind of like a way to work myself away from depression.
That isn't working for me this time. It's like I just can't get up the gumption to push myself. Kinda lost the depression battle this hour. Hopefully I'll catch up and take the lead in the next couple of hours.

Sometimes I wish I could remember what I did the last time and if it was successful so I could either avoid it or repeat the process. Weird how my mind works and has this insane ability to just throw stuff in a folder, lock it in a cabinet and never be seen by the light of day again... or until it's absolutely the most inappropriate time to remember something.

Alright... that's enough whining for now. I mean seriously, I'm alive. I have a pretty awesome life. I'll go put on some One Republic, hop in the shower and let the music heal me a little bit. Maybe I'll shed some more tears for whatever reason they are there and just take the day minute by minute.

To my family... I love you! If I didn't have you all, your love and support, I can't say that this would be a day worth getting out of bed for. Thank you!!
(sorry to end a sentence with 'for'- I know that's against English rules. lol)

To my friends... a big thank you to you all. The small and large reminders that other's care about lil ole me softens my heart.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Naughty November

Hello my loyal followers... I'm alive and I'm still vegan :)
Sorry I have been absent from the blogging world. I haven't really felt like I've had much to say although that probably means I should have been saying something. Silence is isolating.

The family is doing well. We are all adjusting to having a newborn in the house and it's been such a blessing. Gosh, what is it that makes babies just so cute? Love, love, love!
Unfortunately, everyone (but me) has been sick with a cold for nearly 3 weeks. ugh. I'll chalk up my escape from illness to my extreme vegetable intake :P

So Halloween has come and gone and I made it through with 5 pieces of candy corn and a vegan pizza. lol. We had so much fun trick or treating and we have enough candy in the house that we could have people treating at our house for months to come. Good grief!

With success over Halloween, I'm trying to keep positive about Thanksgiving. I don't want to be naughty in November because that will make being good during Christmas a real bitch! lol. Problem is, I really do like turkey and have actually toyed with the idea that I could give myself a little reprieve and eat some turkey but after all absence of meat and dairy for nearly 2 months I'm a little afraid that I'll just get sick. Right now I am looking into Tofurkey... hmm... I'll keep you posted. lol

Historically November is soooo not my month.
With the exception of Thanksgiving, it seems as though the universe aligns in such a way that odd, random and typically awful things happen. There is no definitive pattern although one incident in particular has marked me for life physically and emotionally.

Yes... I'm talking about the robbery. Feel free to quit reading now if you wish-- you can pick up the rest of the reading closer to the bottom where I get back to my vegan journey ;)

On the 13th it will be six years since I was robbed at work. I know there's no timeline for being "all better" but I wish that some things weren't so daunting... like the dark. I mean heck, the robbery was in the morning. Why do I have to be afraid of November nights? Ugh.

Anyway, along with the random things to fear, I deal with the physical pain daily and unless by some miracle all my cells are replaced and rejuvenated (reading a paranormal book about that right now, lol) then the likeliness is that I will deal with the chronic pain indefinitely. Some days are better than others and stress tends to make the inflammation flare up so November's anxiety keeps me popping ibuprofen like candy and of course there's a little more consumption of the happy pills ;)

So... what exactly does all of this have to do with my vegan journey?
I'm having a hard time keeping strong with my food choices. There hasn't been any slipping as of yet and I don't imagine there will be. It's just a mental thing that plagues me when I'm feeling a little down.
I'm running an extended experiment to see if the food choices help alleviate the physical pain and more importantly, help keep the depression and anxiety on the low side of the spectrum so I absolutely need to stay strong.
I'm doing better this year than last but the jury is out as to what the reasoning might be. Maybe I'm just coping better this year due to more distraction (Logan and Madison) or... maybe the anniversary date isn't here yet so perhaps I should reserve judgement. Either way, I'm not balking at the fact that so far November isn't as horrible as some years have been and I'm keeping hope that it continues to improve.

Hope you all are doing well and have a Happy Thanksgiving if I don't get back to blogging before then but I will try my best to be more consistent :)


Sunday, October 16, 2011

30 days later

Yesterday marked 30 days as a vegan :)

This has been an interesting and rewarding experiment. It started with the Reboot Program of juicing and veggies/fruit only for 15 days and the last 15 days has been incorporating grains, nuts and legumes. I have REALLY liked the last half of the month... food with more staying power!

With the last additions, weight loss has slowed from the extremes that happened the first 2 weeks but that was to be expected.
Total for the month is 18lbs :D
More importantly than the weight loss is my blood pressure. It is holding steady at 20 points down! I'm so happy about that! I really was very worried since heart issues run on both sides of my family and I'm happy to say that I'm on the road to a healthier existence. Hopefully too much damage hasn't already been done.

One thing I have discovered is that there are many options for vegan eating... healthy and unhealthy. ugh. I'm reading labels to avoid meat products, animal byproducts and dairy of any sort and I've found that there are several things that don't have all that stuff in them but contain a bunch of other crap that I can't pronounce. I need to be more vigilant in not exchanging 'good' foods with 'convenient' food. I'm a pretty good cook and I actually enjoy it so I just need to exercise more discipline so I don't head down a slippery slope.

My house has enough candy in it for 2 Halloweens. lol. I don't struggle too hard avoiding candy but there are chips here. I sure love crunchy chips. Did you know that Fritos have 3 ingredients? Corn, corn oil & salt.Empty calories, basically no nutritional value & yet I have let myself indulge. This is where I need to be more disciplined. It's not that big of a deal but some days are easier to keep on track than others.

Over the next couple of months of holidays I'm projecting that there will be some challenges. Obviously turkey isn't going to happen on Thanksgiving and that will be different so if any of you have cool recipes that you would like to share, I will be more than open to trying them out. I don't want to feel that sense of deprivation even though I can counter it with all the benefits that I'm receiving and the extended life I will get to live... in the moment where I'm smelling super tasty stuff and watching people eat, I could use something tasty for myself to make others jealous with :P

Okay... enough rambling from me. I really should be studying for a test but umm... no motivation! It's sure been hard maintaining any kind of interest in my classes with a new baby in the house and all the rabble rousing from the toddler. I'll make do, just gotta buckle down :]

Thank you to all my cheerleaders! You have been monumental in me staying the course. Seriously, you have no idea how your kind words have helped me pull through a challenging situation with good choices. I hope I'm making it worth your while :)


Saturday, October 8, 2011

Short and Sweet

This is going to be short :0

All is well. Energy has been pretty low although better now than a few days ago.

I knew I was feeling tired and just chalked it up to having a newborn and toddler in the house but it quickly became an unnatural feeling. I don't ever remember feeling that exhausted. Thank goodness Dena did what librarians do best and spent a few minutes researching and ta-daaa... problem solved. I'm taking supplements of iron and B12 and just about back to normal.

The only real issue I'm having is my lack of motivation to do homework. ugh!

ok, that's all for now... told you it was gonna be short :P

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Skinny, Plastic B's

I apologize for the blogging delay as we've had a baby :D

I have to admit that if ever there was a time to go back to eating convenient crap, this would be the time but nope... I'm in it to win it... well, actually "lose"... weight, points of the blood pressure, indigestion. I want to lose all sorts of bad stuff so I have maintained juicing and eating fruits and veggie's and in the last couple of days have incorporated some grains.

Eating vegan is not very convenient when you're in a time crunch but I'm starting to get a little more familiar with what is available and where so if we're out and about and I don't have enough stuff packed to nibble on, I can pick something up in a pinch.

Shopping for organic items and trying to familiarize myself with other vegan foods has been challenging and not just looking for the food items but dealing with the people. Orange County can be a bit frustrating when trying to do something good for yourself. The skinny, plastic bitches that shop in the stores give nasty, judgmental looks like, "what the hell is she doing here?" They want everyone that is unhealthy to be healthy but they don't want to see the process of getting there, just the finished product. They actually may not even want them to get healthy at all, then there would be more competition. lol. It's like fat people going to the gym... you're supposed to work out but not with the 'pretty' people.
Well, screw them. I'm nice and funny and they are miserable people that have dark souls. I'll bitch slap them with happiness. haha

So, as for the baby and the toddler... I was really hoping for more energy provided by nutritious eating but honestly, I'M EXHAUSTED!!
I personally don't think I have been consuming enough calories and that's causing a weight loss plateau and lack of energy. I'm going to make more of an effort to eat more frequently and of course, drink coffee and perhaps more importantly--- nap! lol

Alright... off to snuggle with one of the tiny people in the house :)

Friday, September 30, 2011

Last Day

Okay, so yesterday was the last day of the 15 day reboot and like I had predicted, I was unable to blog. You know... having a baby and all :D

It was an amazing, long and emotional day as most births are but well worth all the anxiety. I wish I had prepared a little better in the food department because I got to the part of starving where you feel like your insides are trying to stab through your flesh so they can get out and find themselves something to eat! Throughout the many hours of the day I had one juice, 2 apples, a banana and a snack baggie of celery and carrots. Not enough!

When I got home last night I gulped down some juice and went to bed before it even had a chance to get passed my esophagus. I pee'd many times during the very short night. lol

Today marks the beginning of a new phase and honestly, I just don't know what the phase will be. I will be incorporating some whole grains and will continue along the vegan path. I really am enjoying it and there's actually more options than I ever would have known prior to beginning this lifestyle.

Anywhoooo.... I'm off again to snuggle the newest addition and I'm guessing that I will miss tonight's blog as well but will get the update posted as soon as I can.


Wednesday, September 28, 2011

14

Oh it's late.
Today has been a long day of cleaning and preparing the house one final time before the newest addition to the family arrives.
Times like this I would normally allow myself to go for whatever is easy as far as meals go but I was strong and maintained my 14th day well.

Had juices for breakfast and lunch and we went out to dinner (the last time that will happen for awhile) and I had a roasted artichoke. Not much of a meal but it suppressed the hunger and then I ate a bit more when we got home.

I'm at some-what of a plateau with the weight loss but I'm guessing part of that is the fact I was so hungry during the 5 day juicing only phase and wasn't getting enough calories. I'm sure the plateau will take another dip soon.

Anyway, tomorrow is the last day of the reboot and I have to admit, I'm looking forward to less rigidity. I like the structure and not having to guess at what to have since choices are fairly limited but I really need a bit more variety; some whole grains here and there. Not looking to change things up much more than that but it will be nice to mix some brown rice in with my salad saute's or have a piece of toast once in awhile.

Tomorrow is going to be crazy cool. Crazy and cool. Baby Madison will arrive and that will definitely be cool. The crazy part will be coordinating everything. Keeping my fingers crossed that all goes smoothly.

I'm going to do my best to blog tomorrow but I'm just not too sure if it's going to happen. If it doesn't, it's because I'm at the hospital holding a new bundle of joy :D

night night

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Day 13

Such a lucky number ;)

Good thing I'm not too superstitious because today was busy and I had not prepared well enough for a long day away from the house.
A salad and a gazillion carrots later, we made it home and I whipped up a nice salad saute. Very tasty and oh so nutritious.

Today is my honey's birthday and she had to spend much of the day filling out pre-op papers and giving blood. Poor thing. You'd think I would have felt sorry enough to make her a cake... umm, I'm not that strong yet, especially on a 'not enough food day'. Sunday we will celebrate. I will make her cupcakes or beg someone else to do it!
Happy birthday! I hope that having a boring 40th doesn't mean that we're now boring. lol
I guess it wasn't too boring... nearly had a baby :P

So, only 2 more days in the 15 day reboot then it's up to me how I want to continue and I'm thinking hard about what will work best for me.
I like the idea of being vegan and it obviously works well with my tummy so looks like a plant based diet will continue. The part I'm trying to map out most is where the juicing will fit in on a regular basis.
I've come up with a plan of at least 1 juice a day to replace a meal and 1 full day of juicing, once a week. I'm still working out the kinks with that because I need something that I can be consistent with and yet, not totally go out of my element and make things inconvenient for the rest of the family. I'm open to suggestions if any of ya have ideas.

Ok, until tomorrow... night night :)

Monday, September 26, 2011

The 12th Day of Juicing...

My true love gave to me, an appointment to have a baby :P

Yep, we have a date for Madison's arrival. Thank goodness I completed the juicing fast portion, can't say I would've made it with the additional stress of childbirth, toddler care and mommy's recovery.

In other news, I had a 5 chapter exam tonight in my Political Science class & I did very little studying but with my clear mind and excellent note taking, I think I did ok. I really feel like a couple light bulbs have turned back on in my brain. (a few more panels of bulbs & I'll be out of the red. lol)

In other, other news, tomorrow is Dena's 40th birthday. Wow, a few months from now & I'll be in the "over the hill" club. haha!
40 is the new 30... or so I'm told ;)

And finally... in other, other, other news... in 12 days of juicing my blood pressure is down nearly 20 points. Before I started this I was getting pretty scared with how high it was but didn't want to go to the doc- they would just tell me to diet & exercise (knew that part already) and put me on meds which if I'm being completely honest, would just enable me to continue on without changing my daily habits.
Anyhow, no meds are necessary now as my bp's are within normal range. There's still room for improvement but I'm out of the danger zone :)

Ok, I'm off to stock up on precious sleep because as of Thursday... everything changes!!


Sunday, September 25, 2011

Phase 3 woohoo!

Such a wonderful day!

Funny how I was totally trippin about not being able to chew anything and when I woke up this morning I made juice for breakfast. lol
Lunch was a bit crunchy with a veggie stir fry and snacks throughout the day included celery and carrot sticks. Yummm!
Dinner is the best of all... large green salad with a ton of crunchy stuff and vegan butternut squash soup. Oh my goodness, the house smells so good!
So, after 5 days of drinking juice, today has been such a blessing. My teeth are very grateful to be in use again :P

In terms of attitude; today has been a major improvement. I haven't been completely famished all day. There have been hungry times but carrots and celery at my disposal have helped.

I think that today has been so nice because I knew I would get to cook. I've actually missed cooking up something tasty for myself. Now I get to make everyone else in the house jealous instead of vice versa. lol

Ok, off to eat my soup. Yes, it's a late dinner night for me but I'm sure it will be worth it :)

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Phase 2 comes to an end :)

Oh boy! Did this day suck of what?
Yeah, kinda.
I suppose it could've been worse but really, I'm so glad to see the end of phase 2. I honestly didn't think I would make it through this. When I woke up this morning I was totally going to say screw it and eat a salad for breakfast.

After 1o minutes of irrational thinking, I sat down with a cup of coffee and found the will to make it through the morning, then the afternoon and the evening. It's been a tough process today but I made it.
I bitched the entire way through so it wasn't pretty and I'm sure that even if I wanted to try 5 days of juicing again, I wouldn't be allowed to :P
There's a strong possibility that I will do 3 days at a time but can't see myself signing up for 5.

Ok, so the countdown is on for midnight to get here so I can eat something crunchy. lol... you think I'm kidding don't you? ;)

Physically I have been tired today, my muscles are a little sore and yes, I've been cranky. I'm guessing it's due to hunger so it'll be nice when chewing food is part of the program again. On the upside, I've lost 11 pounds in 10 days and have had Tums only once :D yayyy!


Friday, September 23, 2011

Day 4, Give Me Something Crunchy

The new juicer arrived around 12 today. I had been waiting on it to make some juicy breakfast. That was probably my first mistake. You would think that I would have figured out by now that eating shortly after getting up is a good way to stay ahead of the hunger game. If I wait, then I'm playing catch up all day... and just not making any headway.

The delicious green drink was soooo tasty!! Of course, I was pretty damn hungry so I probably could have gotten down my drink from the other day without too many problems ;)
I had been craving spinach so badly all day yesterday so today has been very green. Such a nice change from all the fruit!

This phase has been a true test of will.
I have always liked crunchy food. When I'm eating, I like to feel like I'm working at it somehow. Unfortunately, most of the crunchy foods that I was eating came in bags of Lays or Doritos. Now I just REALLY want to eat a salad. I swear I'll be good. No dressing... just lots of crunchy veggies.

Well, I only have one more day to go then I can put my teeth back to work! Until then I will suffer. Solely drinking food just isn't natural and it sure doesn't help that everyone around me is eating all the normal stuff and the smells are marvelous! Apparently, when you're hungry the sense of smell works harder as a matter of survival- great! lol. And then of course there are all the pregnancy craving snacks and meals that just make me want to scream but at least the baby isn't growing inside of me ;P

I have no problem continuing on with the plant based diet after this but I can't say that I will commit myself to 5 days of only juicing anytime very soon. The way I feel... if I can make it through this... I can make it through anything! Maybe that's a bit dramatic but honestly, today was pretty tuff!

Day 4 is almost done! Bring on day 5 so I can kick it in the ass and chew some food!
I'll start counting down the hours now!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

My teeth need exercise

Day 3 needs to end.
Day 4 needs to come so it can end.
Day 5 needs to get here so it can go as well!!
What I wouldn't give to eat some celery or a carrot... anything crunchy at all!

I was worried that my teeth would get lazy and they are itching for some work. In class tonight I was repeatedly reminded of how awesome chewing is by listening to classmates munch on corn nuts, cheetos, and sunflower seeds. The constant crunching nearly sent me over the edge but I took a breath and a big swig of some Naked Juice. That's what I'm surviving on today since the juicer is broken and the new one doesn't arrive until tomorrow. Problem with these juices is that they are all so sweet. Here I am totally loving the taste of spinach juice and now I am being tortured with an invasion of sweetness.

And... I had to take a Tums! AAAggh! All these days without them and I go and get heartburn. Such a bummer but at least it was just 1. Much better than the 4 at a time, several times a day. Anyway, I'm guessing it's due to the pineapple juice that are included in the drink. I'll be very happy to get my new juicer so I can continue to create my own concoctions again.

Speaking of concoctions... I did my best to blend drinks in the blender and ugh, not successful. The fruit puree's are fine enough but like I said, I'm done with the sweet factor. Unfortunately, vegetable puree is not nearly as tasty as fruit. I love me some spinach but not in the form of a slurpee :P

Alright... enough whining. Only 15 more minutes til this day is over. If I go to sleep now, tomorrow will come faster. haha

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Phase 2, Day 2.... 22 :)

Today I woke up with a great amount of energy and ambition. There continues to be a huge list of things to do before the baby gets here and then the list repeats itself after a week or so. Definitely a good time to have extra energy!

So, day 2 of phase 2 has been a success. A little side note, 22 is my favorite number so you know, 2,2 is a good day for success. Yeah, I know I'm a dork :P

My first drink this morning was soooo awful I was gagging and had to start over. Ugh. What a waste of time and vegetables but I'll know better now. Since that horrible mistake, all the others have been tasty and I haven't been chasing the hunger away like yesterday.

A munchkin size catastrophe happened this evening when I turned my back in the kitchen and 2 year old hands grabbed the handle of the juicer and it went clanging to the floor :0
Yes, the juicer is broken but neither the munchkin or I have broken toes. It was the craziest and slowest 10 seconds.
Until the new one gets here, there will be a lot of improvising trying to juice drinks in the blender. lol. I'll let you know how that works out ;)

In other news... I lost another 3 pounds. Total is now at 9. Seems like a good start. I'm not doing this solely for weight loss but that's obviously cool. We keep watching documentaries on plant based diets and I'm sold. There are numerous health benefits. Living without Tums is by far the greatest achievement I've experienced so far. Ok, I'll quit with the Tums but I just don't think you understand how awesome it is.

Ok, that's about all I've got to say tonight. I'm a bit distracted with tv premieres this week so I've gotta get back to watching :P

To all my "fans"... Thanks!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Second phase

I'm not gonna lie... today was not easy but I made it!

Started the day with spinach, carrot and celery juice blended up with some blueberries and raspberries. It was tasty but the coloring was not pretty, it turned out a lovely shade of brown. I added more raspberries to make it a little more red. Odd how the color of shit just doesn't look appetizing. haha.

The rest of the day I spent mixing this and that, playing catch up with a rumbling tummy. It's amazing how quickly juice goes through ya.
I pee'd a gazillion times! Typically in a public restroom I will use the toilet seat protectors cuz I'm a bit freaked by the germs but goodness... there was no time for being a germaphobe! Sit as fast as possible or umm... there was gonna be a peepee problem. lol. I know-TMI.

Tonight I had a pretty mixture of beet, celery and carrot juice blended up with some blueberries, raspberries and a banana. Looked good and was super tasty! For the first time all day, I'm not starving!

I've got a little juice vroomed up for the morning that I can throw in the blender with some fruit. Having a head start to the day will hopefully make things go a little more smoothly and help me get my head on straight so I can prepare drinks for the day. I knew preparation was going to be key but even with that knowledge I wasn't able to keep up. Now I have more of an idea so hopefully it'll be a little easier tomorrow.

So, last night was the best sleep I've had all week. Not sure why but maybe just because I've slept like crap every night prior. Either way, I'm not complaining. I had a great amount of energy today and got a ton of stuff done without too much effort.
All in all... feeling pretty great!

It's weird to only drink food all day long. I feel like my teeth will get lazy over the next 5 days ;)
I can't wait to eat a carrot. lol
Night all :)

Monday, September 19, 2011

Ahhh.... bliss :)

Yessss! It happened. Peace and calm have replaced anxiety and chaos. This gives me that little boost of momentum to motor me into the next phase... 5 days of juicing only.
I have to admit that I'm a little concerned about the next step. We have an erratic schedule and preparation is going to be key. Prepare. Prepare. Prepare.

A couple of positives over the last 5 days...

*A total of six pounds lost. Hey, it's a start.
*A very noticeable increase in energy! Very helpful with a toddler and a baby on the way :P
*A renewed appreciation for the tastes of fruits and vegetables.
*All day long I have been in awe of the fact that Tums has been eliminated from my diet. I know I've mentioned this a few times but really, the discomfort of heart burn is such a bummer and not having to deal with it AT ALL is definitely a bonus that I hadn't expected and yet the one I enjoy the most!!

It's late and day 1 of phase 2 starts tomorrow so I've gotta get some zzzzz's.
Thank you all for your support... seriously :)


Sunday, September 18, 2011

Sensory Overload

Blissful existence didn't happen today. boo

I figure that tomorrow will be my day of "oh, this was a great idea and yes- I can totally do this" ...maybe ;P
If it turns out not to be the day that keeps me going than I suppose I'll just have to keep going until that day arrives. I know I can do it but we all need those little moments of cheeriness to keep us swimming through the mud.

My senses have been working overtime today. Eyesight is marvelous... seeing everything in the pantry that is not good for me... not so marvelous... eyes staying stuck on said items, crappy. lol
The smells of cooking food have been constant. Nona's stuffing was made early today and it smelled delightful which got me thinking about Thanksgiving, which in turn got me thinking about cookie making for Christmas... yeah, weird how your brain can just jump a couple months at the smell of something familiar. Anyway, survived all that.
Sometime later sloppy joe's were made. Now, I don't even like sloppy joe's but because I was staring at a glass full of green goop, they sounded and smelled wonderful. lol. All I have to focus on is the fact that I haven't needed any Tums throughout these last 4 days and yeah... I'd be tossing back a good handful if I was to indulge. Not worth it. Plus, I'm totally waiting for the day of bliss. I don't want to miss it :)
As I write this, the hypnotizing, mouth-watering aroma of a neighbor's barbeque is wafting through the house. Lord help me. haha

Oh. The other part of this day that has been food-focused is my book. Sheesh, I just can't escape. I'm reading "The Help" and so far, they are either preparing to cook, cooking, eating or cleaning up after eating. lol. Great book by the way, I recommend it... umm, might wanna wait til the day of bliss comes before starting it though.

Speaking of cleaning up-- it seems as though I am spending soooooo much time cleaning up after vegetables. lol. I mean, how hard should this be? Rinse them, vroom them, drink them, wash up. There's just such a mess from all the pulp stuck to the little screen thing that it takes me 15 minutes just for that part. (I might be going a little overboard making sure it's super clean but I have these OCD issues and avoiding germs or damaged parts keeps me scrubbing.) Anyway, each time I pull the juicer apart I dribble all the way to the sink and each time it happens I'm like... duh, you did this last time, put down a damn napkin. grrr

By the way, to all you supporters out there... THANK YOU! You are too kind :D
Day of bliss... I await thee!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Day 3 sponsored by Deadmau5

All day long the lyrics running through my head... especially in the cranky moments... "Raise your weapons... raise your weapons..."
I'm not exactly sure if it's because I want to fire them or if I feel like I'm dodging bullets. Whichever it may be... it's helped me survive.

Alright, so perhaps survive makes it seem like I've been on the brink of destruction and it really hasn't been that bad. Maybe somewhere just on this side of the front line ;)

Physically there are some minor ailments, pretty much the same as yesterday but with a little extra cramping in my legs thrown in for good measure... must be doing something right.

The hard part today has been more mental. Perhaps slight depression, but not like others have described it (crying in bed all day). Of course, even if it did feel that bad... a 2 year old and a partner on bed rest wouldn't be an environment to enable that behavior. The mood swings; contingent on hunger, bring on mild to extreme crankiness in 3 seconds flat. Unlike yesterday, hunger has plagued me nearly every hour. Thankfully, I have a very understanding and supportive family! Right honey? ;-}

I'm not entirely sure what to do about that other than... keep vrooming up some tasty vegetable and fruit drinks. I made a hearty vegetable soup last night that has helped sustain me but it's pretty amazing how quickly the stuff is digested and the hunger resurfaces. This being the 5 days that I'm allowed to blend the eating and juicing of fruits and vegetables has been a bit of a relief because there is quite a bit of preparation time that is involved with juicing and I have yet to figure out a good system. With 2 days left... I better figure it out or I'm going to be one cranky bitch during the next phase :P

Okay, so there's the daily update. The day is coming to a close and I couldn't be happier about it. Supposedly day 4 is bliss... we'll see about that :D

Friday, September 16, 2011

Me... Vegan??

I've made day 2 my bitch!

Who ever would have thought that I would be able to classify myself in the "vegan" category... like, ever?? I never even bothered to go through the, "I'm a vegetarian" phase as a kid. But, here I am, no meat, no dairy, sheesh... nothing but fruits and veggie's. Go me! :P

I've always thought about the vegans as complete whacko's... healthy whacko's but you know, still nuts. Since I was crazy to begin with I suppose that I blend into the category just fine.

The odd thing about not eating meat or indulging in any dairy products is that I was raised in a place where people kill animals for food... I know people that show cows at the state fair and I'm assuming, eventually eat them (I could be wrong there). My point being, It's just not anything I'm used to.

So, how am I feeling? Well, everything I've read said to expect to feel like complete shit, that I would be laying in bed crying and have absolutely no energy... not the case! Hopefully, day 2's horrible reputation doesn't catch up with me double time tomorrow.
Overall, I feel pretty good. Mild headache but that's really nothing new; pains in all the normal spots from the robbery-also, not new; and some very random charlie horse's and cramps in joints which just encouraged me to drink a ton more water. I've either got a high threshold for pain or the worst is yet to be seen. oh boy :-/

A small benefit today is a 4 pound loss. Water weight... and well, you know --had to be really careful with random coughing or sneezing-- I'm cleeeean. If you get my drift.

The super happiness of the process so far... I haven't taken even 1 Tums since the night before I started this. Huge motivator right there! I can't tell you how many Tums was being consumed because I honestly have no clue but if I had any better foresight, I would've bought stock!

Day 2 is nearly over and all is well... please be kind to me day 3 ;-)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Beginning That Starts At The End

...The end of what? Good question. There needs to be an end to the constant beginning of "finding" myself.
How does one truly look for themselves? Perhaps with a therapist or a trainer like Jillian Michaels that breaks your body down into mere basic molecules consuming all borders of emotion and physical control until submission is reached.
What if I'm not one of the people that can handle that type of (what's the word?) abuse? honesty? Probably a very fine line between the two.

So what's the story you ask?
Well, I am searching for the "little" person inside myself.

One aspect would be your typical, "loving my inner child" that has persevered through some horrendous situations that sent me seeking a way to move through life without being noticed but at the same time, looking for love and acceptance.
Another would be getting honest with myself. Looking in the mirror and seeing the full reality of the physical person that is standing before me. I want to notice and respect who I am now as I move towards transformation. I can't see a littler me, if I'm not looking and paying attention.
The idea of polar opposites comes to mind when I consider what I really want and how I have gone about denying myself all that a person craves by covering my body with extra layers to protect that fragile person that's buried deep inside.

The brutally honest part.... I'm 5'2" tall (a munchkin) and I'm 301 pounds (a round munchkin)
I wouldn't typically post my weight for random people... especially for those that know me but really... who am I kidding? It's not like it's not noticeable.

Today is day 1 of the 5-5-5 juicing program. Five days of blending eating fruits and veggies and juicing. Five days of just juicing then back to five days of blending again.
I should mention that I'm not giving up my coffee. I only drink it black and 2-3 cups a day. Perhaps that defeats the purpose to some degree but sheesh, I have to draw the line somewhere!

Here begins... another beginning of finding the "little" me that's hiding.