The Beginning That Starts At The End

...The end of what? Good question. There needs to be an end to the constant beginning of "finding" myself.
How does one truly look for themselves? Perhaps with a therapist or a trainer like Jillian Michaels that breaks your body down into mere basic molecules consuming all borders of emotion and physical control until submission is reached.
What if I'm not one of the people that can handle that type of (what's the word?) abuse? honesty? Probably a very fine line between the two.

So what's the story you ask?
Well, I am searching for the "little" person inside myself.

One aspect would be your typical, "loving my inner child" that has persevered through some horrendous situations that sent me seeking a way to move through life without being noticed but at the same time, looking for love and acceptance.
Another would be getting honest with myself. Looking in the mirror and seeing the full reality of the physical person that is standing before me. I want to notice and respect who I am now as I move towards transformation. I can't see a littler me, if I'm not looking and paying attention.
The idea of polar opposites comes to mind when I consider what I really want and how I have gone about denying myself all that a person craves by covering my body with extra layers to protect that fragile person that's buried deep inside.

The brutally honest part.... I'm 5'2" tall (a munchkin) and I'm 301 pounds (a round munchkin)
I wouldn't typically post my weight for random people... especially for those that know me but really... who am I kidding? It's not like it's not noticeable.

Today is day 1 of the 5-5-5 juicing program. Five days of blending eating fruits and veggies and juicing. Five days of just juicing then back to five days of blending again.
I should mention that I'm not giving up my coffee. I only drink it black and 2-3 cups a day. Perhaps that defeats the purpose to some degree but sheesh, I have to draw the line somewhere!

Here begins... another beginning of finding the "little" me that's hiding.